I need rock bottom

I can not fathom even thinking about weight watchers. I am just not in that place recently and I know I won't be successful unless I "feel" it. It rots. I want to feel it. I need to feel it. I just don't feel it. What I do feel is Apple Jacks. I feel Apple Jack and wine with cheese. I'm not sure what I need to do.

I'm going to Martha's Vineyard this weekend. I'm hoping to get my mojo back then. I plan to bring my running shoes and maybe, just maybe visiting with my friend, the ocean, who will help me get get some exercise in. There is something motivating about the ocean. Maybe it has something to do with my being Cancer with cancer rising?

I'm Alive!

Okay, I'm returning to my normal schedule. I sent out the portfolio piece of the National Board stuff and I'm feeling sooooo incredibly good about that. At this point, I could have put poo in that box and mailed it out and I'd feel relieved.

Also, tomorrow is my first day back at the public library. Can you believe that they've been closed all this time? Thank God, because I spent all the time I'd normally be at the library working on the National Board thing. I think someone upstairs wants me to be nationally certified, but now I'm digressing.

I did go out on St. Pats to see my husband's band play. They were mentioned on Blabbermouth because Ace Frehley came and played with them. He's an old friend of hubby's step-father (and band mate). There are also pics on KissAsylum.com. I'm feeling very cool right now. Of course my hubby is not in any of those pics, but his step-dad is. It's frickin' cool, if you ask me.

Hmmmm, what else is news worthy. I mentioned that I'm fat in a post recently because I'm still at 179 and it sucks. I just had no control over what I was eating. All I wanted was fast stuff so I could work on that huge national project. It's over now, so I'm starting fresh Monday. I'm not going crazy eating this weekend, I'm just trying to decompress and not be stressed about anything, including finding the perfect core foods to put in my mouth. The weight will come off again...I just need to give it time. so it's back to my goofy idea of trying to get down to the next ten. My focus will be to get under 170. Once I get there, I'll see what is going on.

I have been away too, too long. I've missed being around here and I have no intention of going away for such a long time ever again!

Can it be true?

Is that the sound of my printer coughing out entry #3 of 4? Am I getting closer than ever to actually being done with this blasted national boards stuff? You bet your bippy! Just one entry left to rewrite 30 times, print out, pack in an anal retentive way and then I can mail out the whole stupid box! Back to the Feds with you!

In other news...I'm fat.

Light at the end of the tunnel

My national board stuff is due really soon, so that's what I've been doing lately. I am lurking at all my usual blogs, i just odn't have a lot of time to comment on them....

I'll be back soon with full Core force! I promise.

Cousin It and Paper Beards

I haven't been around in a bit because I've been furiously working on my national board certification and it's making me loopy. Ya'll will be happy to find out that I did take some time out to have an end of the week party at SOBs!

BK is back, Cousing It-ier than evah!

My mom with a stunning Equal fu-man-chu

BK as the Sugar Colonel Sanders.

Darth Bruce gettin' her paper on.....

Beat!

I am beat. I was supposed to go back to work yesterday, but we had a snow day (yeehaw!). I slept in, yet again, which made it almost impossible to get out of bed this morning. I could barely roll myself out of bed. I got to work, did a ton of stuff for the upcoming annual reviews...writing IEPs, testing, contacting a testing publisher to see what modifications I could make to their exams for my dyslexic boys. (Don't even think about messing with my boys...I'll get you!)

And then, after work, it happened: I went to the gym and did some cardio. And then I lifted weights. And now it's about 8pm and I am exhausted! I'm proud to say that I also ate well today. Lots of fruits and veggies. Whole grains galore. I'm a winner today!

Hey, look ma, I'm procrastinating....

Yeah, I'm procrastinating. Wanna make something of it? I need a couple of minutes away from my national boards stuff. I spent the morning at my friend Cathy's new (and beautiful) house where we read some of each other's work and made comments and corrections. So, here is my update...I'm on:

• draft 5 of the first entry
• draft 4 of the fourth entry
• draft 2 of the third entry
• draft 1 of the second entry

I'm fried.

You went where?

I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in about forever. I didn't do anything major; just 2 miles on the elliptical and then straight back home. I'm just happy that I got my ass there...especially considering my bad eating habits last week...

I'm still pluggin' away at my national board stuff. I have to have it in the feds' hand by March 31st and there is still a ton of work to be done it. Every time I read goosestepped things I find something I want to change. It's gotten to the point where my brain just wants to burst...but that's why I'm doing this right now instead of that. I worked on them for quite some time this morning, and I won't let myself spend all day on them or else I'll kill someone when I get back to work on Monday.

Vacation!

God bless those dead presidents! I love having this week off from work. Although, I've got a ton of National Board work to do, but if I keep to about an hour or so a day, and not even necessarily in a row, I might not drive myself completely insane...right?

I brave weigh in yesterday and I'm at 178.6 (I think...could be .4, but I'm unsure) so it's back to the core drawing board for me, but I'm okay with that. For example, went to SOBs for lunch today...I made polenta chips to eat with the salsa, ate black bean soup for lunch (yummy) and I was happy and completely on core. I didn't even have a crack-a-rita. I'm gonna save those for special occasions...don't want them to lose their "umph!" as it were.

I've been watching tons of movies (especially horror) recently even since I got my Blockbuster card re-entered. In the last week I've seen: An American Haunting, Silent Hill, Grudge 2, Running with Scissors, and Lady in the Water. I don't usually watch movies, but something has got me hooked lately. If I can just keep my hands off of gummy bears and malt balls, I'll be okay. (I'm kidding, I don't have any candy in the house!)

Snow Day!

It's official! I got the automated phone call this morning at 5:33...I made Chris listen to it, too, just to be sure (and to rub it in a little bit). I am still in my pajamas as I write this. There is no chance I'm going anywhere today because I don't have to! Ha!

It's really more of an ice storm at this point. All that white you see isn't snow, it's slushy hail stuff that has been beaning me in the head when I

walk Reuben. He wants no part of this storm. He's all about snow, but freezing rain? Forget it.

FYI: I took these pics from my porch...I live on the second floor of a two family home and I have my own porch...pretty cool!

High Fiiiiiive-uh!

175.4...beautiful numbers compared to yesterday. I'm heading in the right direction and I'm thankful for that. I brought lunch again, I still have emergency oatmeal in my drawer, and everyone on my campus has their fingers and toes crossed for a snow day tomorrow. There has been conflicting forcasts, but they all agree on 1 thing: at least 3-5 inches of snow. We could use a snow day around here. The kids could use a day off, we could use day off, the school buildings could use a day off, the parking lot could use a day off...we're all hurting. It doesn't matter that we have all of next week off....we're snow day greedy.

There is just something nice about having a surprise holiday. It soothes the mind.

Oh, the horror...the horror

The scale read 177.4 this morning. A tribute to my self pity ( I typed "spitty" twice before getting it right). I am on the right track today. I ate breakfast at home, I have emergency oatmeal in my desk, packed a nice salad for lunch. I'm rocking the core at the moment, however brief that moment has been.

The scale this morning was a total slap in the face. My body has been crying out for help and I've been completely ignoring wallowing in my over scheduled stress. I think I've got a handle on this for the moment. I have a nice apple in front of me and I plan on eating it as soon as I'm done visiting with you all here.

Catch ya later!

Can I get a "whut whut"

Well, things at work have finally come to a head, and I did not come out smelling like a rose. Those of you whom I actually email with who want details, just email me and I will tell you a basic story that ends in an ugly but beneficial way. I'm actually feeling serene, despite the fact that my ass was almost handed to me. As a result, I'm going to totally focus my efforts toward weight loss, video games, teaching reading (to HS students and grad students) and quite possible tri training, which would make the title of my blog accurate once again.

I am sleeping in tomorrow, going to buy fresh fruit, and a little grocery shopping, and I will begin Core full force on Monday, along with a half-assed tri program, dependant on how peeved I am with myself once I'm totally sober. (I went for drinks with 2 guys from work who are totally awesome...we are like the only 3 people who work down county, so we have "down county happy hour" complete with crack-a-ritas...everyone else goes to a townie bar in the next county up. I like to think we have more fun!)

Dial 4 for Cranky

I wish I could have called into work "cranky" because that's how I was certainly feeling this morning. I couldn't help it. My head was throbbing and dizzy when I went to bed, I slept like a log, but it wasn't enough. I'm still tired, although certainly less grumpy. Poor Chris woke me up last night when he was getting into bed and I snarked at him with such a fierceness. Let me be very clear about his waking me up...it was on purpose. First he was harassing poor Reuben, making him whine, and then he was poking and pinching me for kicks and woke me up more. I wigged out a tad. If you wake me up early in the morning, I'm fine. If you wake me up in the middle of the night for nonsense, I'm a bitch. I can't help it. My dad is the same way. So I guess Chris brought it on himself.

On a happier note, I remembered breakfast this morning. I didn't eat it at home, but brought it with me to work: fat free Greek yogurt with fresh blackberries. Yum! My mojo is working it's way back to me. I might even try to get to the gym this afternoon...key word is might. The heart is willing, but the body is still groggy and I've been up for about 4 hours..... I'm just glad to be back on the Next 10 Challenge with Marta on our quest to make our pudge budge!

Mini mojo

Hey all! I'm feelin' pretty good about my Weight Watchers mojo. I think what really did it for me was how I weighed in at 173.6 (again) at WI yesterday, and how this morning my scale read 178. Yeah, the Superbowl did me in. Chris and I went to a party where the hostess made the best pork ribs I've ever had. Let me repeat. Best. Ribs. Evah! I'm going to assume that most of that is in the digestion process, so I'm not going to cry too much. What I am going to do is be very careful this week so that those ribs don't take their toll.

Despite this amazing scale-related discovery this morning, I forgot to eat breakfast and bought a multi-grain bagel from Starbucks. Not as good as eating my high fiber cereal, but certainly better than a muffin or cinnamon bun....right?

The need to find center

I am all over the place. I've got a list of things I need to do a mile long. There was no snow day today, so I'm writing this during my lunch period. I am a ball of self loathing when it comes to eating. I've been eating core food half the time, and processed food the other half. I need to get myself recentered so that I can focus on what needs to get done, and get back into a routine.

I truly believe that the change in my routine is what is throwing me completely off. The library has been closed, so I haven't been doing that. My last bunch of Saturdays have been taken up with national board support meetings or other workshops. I'm teaching a grad class instead of doign Homework Help on Mondays. I'm just all over the place. I've got to figure out a way to make myself feel more settled about the new schedule. I've got things I've got to get done, it's true, but I don't need to eat pudding while I'm doing it...I think that might be half of the point.

I am going to take advantage of the fact that my students that I have for the last 2 periods of the day happen to be absent to get some extra national board writing done....that'' make me feel somewhat better...at least for a minute or two.

Where did the time go?

I have no idea how it got to be Thursday already and I haven't posted. Unbelievable. I guess I"ve got to catch all of you up on my goings-ons. This calls for bullets...again.

• Some of my co-workers are making me crazy. Especially the extra crazy one. The other co-workers probably wouldn't be so irritating if Looney Tunes was not so annoying...but oh well.
• I'm eating better than I did last week, but I'm still not completely on program. I just can't find my mojo. I have no motivation. I can't find an ounce of motivation in me, to be honest. I think I have to do some meditation this weekend to try and find it.
• The snow that everyone was talking about has been demoted from "storm" to "wet weather". I don't think we'll ever, ever have a snow day this school year. I've still got my fingers crossed for a 2 hour delay. I could use the sleep.

I think I'll be back later....only time will tell.

I dunno

I have no title for today. I have a mere, tiny update, which could turn into a giant rant if I'm not careful. For one, I can't stop eating. I'm craving everything, and secondly, I'm not pregnant, because TOM is visiting. I usually don't get this bad when I have the visitor, but I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I'm especially craving peanut butter, peanut butter cups, Terra veggie chips. I don't know what the issue is, but I hope it goes away fairly soon.

Other than that, I'm drowning in work. I should be making a power point about reading, but I left the book I need at work, and it's Saturday so there is no way I'm getting into my building. I think I'll just go to work early on Monday so I can get it started before work, and maybe finish it during lunch. I like using power point, so it's not as if I'm going to be angry about doing it.

Now I'm going to be off to read other people's blogs. I hope to be inspired.

The professor and Mary Anne....

Okay, all of you who read this may now refer to me as "Professor". I taught the first session of my graduate class last night and I had fun. I think my students were happy, too. It's a course about secondary literacy and literature. It's chocked full of science and math teachers who have to take a course on literacy. It'll be fine. I have a ton of strategies to teach that can be applied to text book reading and content area class (ie science, social studies, and math). There are 19 adults in my class, and I have to say, it's weird the way they looked at me...like I know everything. Strange, but we worked past it.

In other areas of life:

• My neck is killing me. I think it's from the stress of doing the first day of the course. It started to hurt when I got into my car after class. It feels horrible, but is easily managed with ibuprofen.
• Eating is crap. I just can't get focused. I think I'm going to to have to make myself something extra special for dinner tonight, like Rachel Ray's Mexican Meat-za, but make it Core. I think that's a plan and a half.
• It's a quiet week here at school because it's Regents week. For those of you who don't live in NY, Regents are a bunch of heinous content knowledge exams put out by the state that are actually fairly difficult. If you're a special education kid, like most of mine, and you don't pass them, you have to take the Regents Competency Test (RCTs) which are so easy it's almost sinful.

That's all I've got for now. Maybe I'll be back later if something crazy happens here...you never know with Regents week...high stress and emotional disturbance make funny bedfellows.

Not so bad

Despite my being a Pouty McPouterson yesterday, I had a gain of .6. I perhaps could have even avoided that if I hadn't had a Mike's Hard Lemonade and quiche freak-out at about 8pm. Less stuff in the tummy means less weigh on the scale, right? Oh well, it's over and that's the important part, right?

This is my second Sunday where I didn't have to work at the library, and I've got to tell you, I could get used to this schedule of having nothing to do. I actually have time to do the dished and relax...on the same day. It's stunning. I don't think I'm ready to give up my library job...I've worked there forever...I'm going to wait until I at least hit 20 years (This September, if you can believe it) or when I have a baby. I'm thinking that I'll need more time if I have a baby..wouldn't you think so? But I digress, yet again.

So, tomorrow night is my first night as an adjunct professor in a graduate level course. I'm a tad nervous, but I"m feeling ready. I've got my plans all laid out for the 2 hour course, including an article to start with, group reading activities, and time for me to introduce myself and the goals of the course. If I have to let them out a few minutes early, then so be it. I don't think I'll have the time to do that because I have a bunch of tricks up my sleeve . I'll be back tomorrow to let y'all know how it all went.